What is Self Harm?

Self harm is often misunderstood and is often a taboo subject – done in private and kept hidden.

However self harm is very common – we all do it to some degree at least some of the time. 

Self harm includes a wide variety of behaviours –

• drug or alcohol misuse – from having a cigarette or a stiff drink in response to stress to frequent bingeing to the point of oblivion
• risk-taking behaviour e.g. from deliberately driving too fast in response to anger to risky sexual behaviour, etc.,
• eating disorders – from gorging on chocolate in search of comfort to anorexia nervosa
• self injury – from nail biting as a nervous habit to cutting, hitting, self poisoning, burning, picking, hair pulling, etc.

The degree of harm is a factor of the degree of stress/distress.

There is not very much help out there, even less understanding and people who self harm can feel very alone and marginalised.

Self harm is a coping mechanism.  It is a response to severe emotional pain that feels overwhelming. It can also be  the infliction of physical pain in response to emotional numbness.

Myths about Self Harm

• People of all ages self harm – not just teenagers
• People who self harm are trying to survive, they are not suicidal (although severe self harm can sometimes result in death)
• People who self harm are not attention seeking or manipulative

Why People Self Harm

It is a way, for some people, of coping with severe emotional distress. People who self harm don’t want to die – for them it is a way of staying alive. It is often related to low self esteem, perfectionism (which can lead to low self esteem), or poor body image. Sexual, physical or emotional abuse, bullying or other past traumas may be a factor. It can be a way of disassociating from the emotional pain.

The body releases endogenous opioids (endorphins) in response to pain. This not only diminishes pain but also produces a mildly euphoric effect. Some people who self harm can develop an addiction to this.

Self harm is often associated with feelings of exclusion, disempowerment, feeling trapped or lack of control.  It is no surprise that for such reasons self harm is rife amongst prison inmates for example. Even caged animals display self harming behaviour (banging their heads, chewing their paws, etc.) when they are confined in unsuitable, cramped environments where their needs cannot be met.

What to Do if You Are Self Harming

Some people find it helps to make a promise to themselves to engage in a chosen activity for 15 minutes (or 10 or even 5) as a distraction each time they feel like harming themselves. After this time you can still choose to do it but the impulse hopefully may have passed.

Make a plan for what you will do immediately when you feel like self harming. Any distracting activity can work well e.g. loud music, dancing, phoning a friend, a breathing technique, going for a run, running on the spot, aerobic excercise, whatever works for you.

Then do some activity that helps you relax, that you can perhaps switch off and lose yourself in. It can be anything – listening to calming music, 7:11 breathing, https://doreencalderwood.ie/anxious-stressed-angry-how-to-calm-down-quickly/, some kind of art or craft, a puzzle book, writing down your thoughts, a favourite social media app,  go for a walk, TV, etc.

HALT  – Ask yourself are you:

H – hungry

A – angry,

L – lonely

T – tired.

If any of these apply, what else can you do?

Take good care of any injuries – that means making sure you have clean blades if cutting, a good supply of bandages, etc.

It is very important to tell someone if you have hurt yourself badly or taken an overdose. For example, If you are bleeding heavily or the cut is very deep; if you have a severe or large burn or if a wound has become infected you will need to get good medical attention as quickly as possible.  If you are in any doubt phone your GP or ambulance service or go to A &E.

Who can you talk to? An caring and positive friend or family member, a helpline, a chatline.

12 Tips If you know someone who is self harming

1. Be careful of assumptions, labels, myths, stereotypes.
2. Understand it is a coping mechanism and the person is suffering severe emotional pain.
3. Listen
4. Be alongside them.
5. Help them if you can to find other ways of coping
6. Help them to engage in a short term distraction – go for a walk with them, look at photos, make a cup of tea, etc.
7. Be patient and stick with them. Don’t expect quick results
8. Don’t tell them to stop self-harming– it might be the only way they have to cope at moment.  Do help them to contain it within reasonable limits while they find other coping strategies
9. Don’t make negative comments about the self harming
10. Do remember the person’s strengths and good qualities rather than focus on the self harming behaviour
11. Help them to identify possible underlying causes and encourage them to seek help
12. Help them take good care of any injuries and know when to get medical help

If you are self harming and would like to talk to someone for advice and support, please call me – 0870907411.